The lie we sell our sons

Society teaches our boys; you can get in their bed without getting in their head.

We know it’s a lie right?

Or are we kidding ourselves too?

It’s why sleeping with someone who’s not the mother of your children is called “an affair” rather than just “sleeping with someone who’s not the mother of your children”. 

The word 'affair' captures the idea of it being a relationship — not just sex.

The science is called ‘attachment’ — that when two people have sex, there’s an attachment that forms, or that should form.

If you desensitise yourself to this attachment —people get hurt.

But we don’t really believe this, because pornography sells us the lie, along with society.

The problem is this: 

Boys are raised to be players, then expected to provide a happily-ever-after.

Those boys grow up to become men who then must retrain their brains for relationship. It’s hard, the marriage stats show at least 50% fail.

Still more fail just to be a dad.

The single biggest killer (in NZ) of pregnant and young mums, is suicide. 

They saw no happily ever after.

Let’s change the rhetoric and tell our boys the truth — You can’t be in her bed and not be in her head.

While we are at it, let's talk to our girls too!