Listening & Fixening vs Hearing & Caring

Today's post is about Listening & Fixening vs Hearing & Caring.

I know, fixening is not a word — but it rhymed better.

The real reason I listen to people is so that I can fix them — I’m sure I’m not the only one.

This has a huge impact on our daily connection with our partners — they want to share the problems and stresses of their day and to have us care, instead we’re listening, ready with our fix to their issues.

Listening and fixening doesn’t feel like hearing and caring — instead it can actually make us feel judged, challenged and questioned.

What we all need is the opportunity to share, and have someone care.

What we’re often doing when we sharing is we’re processing it out loud — we’re often just coming to terms with our issues and stresses of the day as we talk about them, and what we desire most is a safe place to talk — without feeling judged, challenged and questioned.

The fix to this issue – is to replace your fix for their issue, with a simple acknowledgement of their day.

My wife has this great little thing she says to me, after I’ve told her about my day, if I say something like “man it’s been a big day, I’m so tired” she’ll say, “I’m not surprised!”

I’m not surprised – it’s her way of saying — (imagine a simple caveman talking) “You man, you work hard, you do good work, you amazing, no wonder you tired.”

Now she’s never once said any of that to me – she’s not a caveman, but I am, and when she tells me “I’m not surprised” she’s telling me I work hard and she appreciates it, she’s saying, “I get it, that’s a big day.” I love it.

You’d think she’s also giving me an excuse to be lazy and slob the rest of the night. But no, her seeing me — inspires me to see her. It makes me more engaged.

I don’t know what little words you need to find to acknowledge your partners day — but finding them will make you a safe place to feel heard and understood.